Wat ass en Orgasmus? Fir wat kann et schwéier sinn en Orgasmus ze hunn? A wat kann ee bei Orgasmusschwieregkeeten maachen?
Worksheets:
– Sexy Contexts and Not-So-Sexy-Contexts
– Turning Off the Offs
– Stress
Rubriken:
– Kapitel 3: Stress, Sex an Kontext?
– Kapitel 5: Selbstkritik & kulturellen Kontext (& eng Übung fir Selbstmatgefill)
– Kapitel 8: Spectatoring
– Kapitel 8: BONUS Mythos Vaginalen Orgasmus
– Kapitel 8: BONUS Extended Orgasms
Appendix 1: Therapeutic masturbation
”If you are experiencing frustration around orgasm—whether you’re learning to orgasm, learning to orgasm with a partner, or learning to have more control over your orgasms—I offer these instructions.
1. Find your clitoris (instructions in chapter 1).
2. Create a great context. You can use your worksheets [Umierkung: links above] to help with this. In general, it’ll be a context where you have no concern about being interrupted for about thirty minutes, where you feel safe and private and undistracted by outside worries.
3. Touch your body and notice how that feels. Touch your feet and legs and arms and hands and neck and scalp. At first, when you’re learning to have an orgasm, stop here. Spend your thirty minutes just doing this. Do it a few times a week for a couple weeks. Gradually incorporate your breasts, lower abdomen, inner thighs.
4. Now stimulate your clitoris indirectly. The most indirect stimulation is simply to think about your clitoris. Just give it quiet, loving attention. Try rocking or rotating your hips, to bring your attention to your pelvis. You may or may not notice some emotions emerging as you attend to your pelvis. You may or may not notice some emotions emerging as you attend to your clitoris. That’s normal. Allow those feelings and practice feeling affectionate and compassionate toward yourself, your genitals, and all those feelings. When you feel ready (and you may not feel ready for days or weeks—that’s okay), move to “distal” stimulation, which means indirect, roundabout stimulation. Try any of these, or whatever else feels right: • Gently pinch your labia between your thumbs and forefingers, stretch the labia out, and tug from side to side. This will put very indirect pressure on the clitoris and move the skin over the clitoris (the clitoral hood). • With your palm over your mons, press down a little and pull upward, toward your abdomen. Again, this will put gentle pressure on the clit and move the skin around it. Try different pressures, different speeds of tugging (e.g., one long slow tug, several quick tugs in a row), or rotating your palm in a circle. • Place your palms against your inner thighs, so that the outside edges of your thumbs are pressing against your labia, possibly even squeezing them together. Rock your hips against the pressure of your hands. Some people prefer indirect stimulation over direct stimulation. You may notice as you try these techniques that the muscles in your arms, legs, butt, and/or abdomen get tense. That’s a normal part of the arousal process. You might even find yourself feeling like you don’t want to stop doing a particular kind of stimulation. I humbly suggest you go with your gut; don’t stop. Keep going for as long as it feels good, just keep paying attention to the pleasurable sensations without trying to change them or even understand them.
5. Try direct stimulation. For most people this is pleasurable only when arousal has already started up, so once you’re feeling pretty pleasurable and warm, try any of these: • With the flat of one or two or three fingertips, lightly touch the head of the clitoris with a steady back-and-forth motion. Try slow, fast, anything in between that feels good, and with light, brushing touch, light pressure, deep pressure . . . try different combinations of speeds and pressures. • With as many fingertips as feels comfortable, rub circles directly over your clitoris—fast or slow, light touch or deep pressure, or anything in between. • Again with varying numbers of fingers, and with different pressures and speeds, tug upward on the clitoris, from the clitoral hood. • With whatever variation on fingers, speed, and pressure you want to try, flick upward from just under the head of the clitoris. As your arousal level changes, notice and observe what happens to your body. Don’t try to make it change. If you notice that your brain starts whirring away at anxieties or fears, notice that, too, know that you can worry about all that some other time, release those thoughts, and return your attention to the sensations inside your body.
6. Keep breathing. As you experience sexual pleasure, your muscles will contract, and often people find themselves holding their breath or breathing more shallowly. Periodically check in with your breathing, relax your abdominal muscles, and allow yourself to breathe. Don’t try to make anything happen, just allow yourself to notice what it feels like and let your body do what it wants. If you feel worried that you’re losing control of your body, relax into that fear, reassure yourself that you’re safe, know that you can stop anytime you choose. And of course, if it gets to be too much, feel free to stop anytime you like. The more you keep going, the more the pleasure and tension will spread through your body, and it will cross some intense threshold, and explode . . . eventually. If you’re learning to orgasm with a partner, do all of this alone for a week (or three), then do it with a photo of your partner sitting beside you. Do that for a week (or three). Then do it with your beloved partner on the phone or in the next room. Then with them in the room but far away, in the dark, blindfolded, and facing the other way. Gradually increase their proximity and even the light. Once you’re orgasming with your partner on the bed with you, begin showing what feels good to you—you can even use some variation on the exercise described in the previous chapter, for couples with desire differences. Move your partner’s hands on your body to show what you like. And always, notice if you’re getting frustrated and remember that you are already at the goal state: pleasure.“
(Quelle: “Come as You Are” vum Emily Nagoski, S.339-341)